Yosemite

I have no further weight loss to report. I would be lying if I said I don't know why I haven't lost more weight. I stopped drinking my protein shakes and kept up my carb intake which is not good. I am not eating enough protein and I don't exercise enough. I find I lack motivation to keep going and my body really liked this weight because this is the LONGEST I have stalled for. I plan on attending the bariatric support groups again and touching base with my surgeon's office to get back on track. It's all about back to the basics! I have 30 more pounds I want to lose before I am "done" I think I can make it happen slowly. I focus on the positive things and I have to remind myself why I had this surgery in the first place.

In other news, life is so awesome. I recently went to Yosemite and it was the most amazing place ever. I will share some pics below ;) My new job is treating me good and I have the most awesome man in my life that makes me happy every single day. Somebody I have known for all my life because his mom is really good friends with my mom. I saw him in July after not seeing him for about 15 years or so (since we were kids!) and it all made sense and clicked. It's so nice being with somebody that loves you for exactly who you are and doesn't ever try to change you. He balances me out and makes me feel at ease and safe.

We went to Yosemite late August. We were only there for 3 days and 2 nights (not long enough!) The second day we were there we made this brutal up mountain hike to the top of Vernal Falls. Sadly, Yosemite falls was dried out! Bummer! Even though the hike was brutal, I know that I probably wouldn't have made it had I been at my heaviest weight.
 

Here is a pic of the hike up... How beautiful is this? That's a rainbow!

 

 

Here is a picture of me at the top of Vernal Falls.

 

 Here is another one of our way up!

 

I saved the best for last, here is my boyfriend and I in front of "El Capitan"! We make a good looking couple don't we? This is my favorite picture and memory of Yosemite.

 

Until next time,

Melissa

Stuck at 80

I haven't weighed myself in over two weeks. I guess this post is about life and how something as major as your sleeve can be put on the back burner because of several other things. 

I haven't weighed myself because I am scared to see what I am afraid of. I worked really hard to get down to 80 pounds lost and I am scared to see that I am at the same weight and haven't lost anymore. I know I am at the same weight because my clothes fit the same. I also have not been very strict on myself as far as what I eat.. I know I need to stay away from simple carbs but I somehow always find myself indulging in bread! This needs to stop.

I have been sorting out through some things and I also just got a new job. Life changes and uncertainty always add stress and give me major anxiety. I am the type of person that likes to feel like everything in my life is perfectly planned out and executed according to said plan. I have all these goals for myself, my one year goal, my five year goal and my ten year goal. Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that I am still 23 years old and I am allowed to deviate from plan and make a few mistakes here and there. 

There's also that nervousness that comes with a new job and that's a good thing. I am incredibly grateful that I was given an opportunity to advance my career elsewhere and do what it is I love and went to school for. I just always put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and be the best (at least professionally I am). A couple weeks ago I got a call about an accounting position that had opened at a nonprofit organization that I had already been involved with when I was going to school to get my degree in accounting. The Vice President of Finance wanted to meet me and discuss the position. I went in resume and portfolio in tow to meet with her and discuss the position on a Friday, 2 days later on Monday I was offered the position. Of course I said yes and I found myself rearranging things to reflect my new life change. It's still surreal and I can hardly believe it's happening. Yesterday was my last day at the financial institution where I was working at, it was so bittersweet. Even though I only worked there for a year and 3 months I changed so much both personally and professionally working there and I learned a lot about myself. I cried as I gave my manager a hug before I left. I also cried like an idiot looking at my cubicle there all empty. It is strange how much a job can have such a huge influence on your life.

On another note, I have to admit I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I like the size I am now. Sure I need to lose at least another 30 pounds. It's ingrained in our minds as women that only being a size 6 or smaller is beautiful but I like being a size 14 and I like being imperfect. I look healthy and I feel good. Sure I don't have a flat stomach or perfectly toned arms and legs but I am me and I know that I have many qualities that some size 2 women don't. This is who I am, smart, funny, driven, nice, sometimes feisty, very impatient and stubborn. But the people in my life know this and accept me like this. 

Anyways, I hope I can get back on a normal schedule and exercise more so next time I can report more weight loss.

~Mely

It's been a while..

Hola blog readers!

I know it's been a while since I posted. Life has been crazy and I have to keep reminding myself of my ultimate goal and finding ways to stay motivated. I am down 72 pounds total. (3 pounds away from 75 and soo soo close but I am stalled right now :(

I have been losing weight at the speed of molasses lately. I am not sure if this is normal or if I need to be way more strict on myself because I have become more lax lately.  

Firstly, I don't work out consistently. There really shouldn't be excuses for that but it is what it is. I should be going to the gym at least 3 times a week and some weeks I do go 3 or 4 times but other weeks I slack and only go once or twice! 

Then there is also the fact that I haven't been drinking my protein shakes on a regular basis. Gosh this is so hard for me! I get it, I am horrible. I have gotten caught up in the sheer bliss of being in full on normal life mode that I forget that I still have important needs and those needs are 1. enough protein intake, 2. enough water, 3. exercise. Although I am happy to report I have taken up walks on my breaks and lunches with my good pal Crystal. It helps to be held accountable and I am happy she is around. I have a size down of pants I am just itching to get into and I am so close.

Something else to report... I have been avoiding the scale. Why? Because I became obsessed with the number on the scale instead of focusing on how I feel and how good I look. It gets draining when you allow a scale to control your emotions. e.g you aren't losing enough, you only lost 2 pounds in 2 weeks, you haven't lost at all. It's all way too much to handle! I am happy with the body I have now and how I look and that is what is important. I have 50 more to lose and as expected those last 50 are going to be the HARDEST! I have only managed to lose about 10 pounds a month for the last month and a half and I feel like it really will take me a feel year to lose everything I need to lose.

One more thing for any of you that may be reading this and find you are absolutely miserable with heartburn ALL the time. Get that Prilosec!! My quality of life has dramatically increased ever since I take Prilosec everyday. I can't go without it. I can still eat the foods I love like tomatoes, onions and coffee and I have zero heartburn. I love my Prilosec and I don't understand why I wan't put on it sooner! 

I have noticed I can eat more food now and I think this is normal. I can eat about a cup of food at a time. Some foods I can eat a lot more of and I guess that scares me. When it comes to leafy greens, I can eat way more than say chicken or fish. I guess that is okay. If you are reading this and are also a sleever can you comment and let me know if you have noticed that you can eat a little bit more a couple months out of the surgery?

Anyways, below is a more recent before and after comparison. On the left is me 4 days before my surgery and the right is me this past week. Not too shabby huh? I love being curvy and healthy as opposed to just being big. This is the first time I have been this small since middle school.. it feels amazeballs (yes amazeballs ;)

Some updated pics!

Here are a couple of full body pics that I recently took... I have shared them on Facebook and though I would share here too!!

Life... an update.

Hi lovely blog readers!

Well as of a couple weeks ago I am out 3 months from my surgery. I have lost a total of 63 pounds... This means I am down a total of 43 pounds since surgery. 

My stomach has pretty much healed up and there really is nothing I can't eat anymore. My main focus continues to be lean protein and lots of water. I finally feel like I have settled into to normal life with the sleeve. I find I am happy but it is also a challenge, everyday is. I never imagined that losing weight would be harder AFTER the surgery yet somehow it is. 

I try my very best to watch what I eat but unlike Gastric Bypass patients, I can have everything and nothing really makes me sick, I have even been able to eat Greek yogurt again (thank you God). My guilty pleasure is and will always be.. CARBS! I love bread, pastries, cookies.. anything with flour. I am really working on eating carbs very rarely. Strangely enough after surgery my taste buds have changed in the sense that I always have a sweet tooth!! So to combat that I have been keeping sticks of sugar fee gum everywhere.. my desk, my car, my bedroom. I find that having something to chew on and keep my mouth busy on helps a great deal.

As much as I haven't wanted to (it's expensive!) I have been buying some clothes. The best feeling in the world is to be able to shop in the normal section of the store... It feels amazing. I am only half way there and I already feel so normal. I feel like I am just a normal 23 year old girl that loves to do what everybody else does. My quality of life has improved greatly.. I feel so full of energy now, this is a far cry from my post surgery struggle when I didn't feel satisfied or happy. I feel like I can smile more now, like I don't have to hide. Although I will admit it has been super hard for me to get used to being noticed now. As friendly and outgoing as I am, I am simply not used to attention based on my looks, I am used to attention based on my smarts and my personality. I was telling my friend Crystal that  it's weird how it all works, I am comfortable posting pictures on Facebook showcasing my weight loss because when I do get compliments I am not getting them face to face and I have time to come up with a nice response like "thanks ladies!!" but in person I kinda become introverted because I don't expect it to happen and then I get a little embarrassed even if I don't show it. It's going to take some getting used to especially since I can wear even cuter clothes now.

Heartburn: The nurse at my bariatric clinic prescribed me Prilosec, I got the generic brand from the pharmacy and let me tell you it has been absolutely the BEST $10 I have ever spent. I take one every morning and I have zero, I mean zero heartburn. Life is so much better now.

 

I hope to fill you all in soon with my 75 pounds lost update!!!

Until next time,

Melissa

Struggles

I am down two more pounds for a total weight loss of 53 pounds total.

I realize it has been forever since I posted and it's been on my mind as something I needed to do. If the title of this post wasn't an indication, I wanted to dedicate this blog post to the struggles I have experienced so far. Next Tuesday it will be 2 months since surgery.

These past couple of weeks have been really hard for me, probably the hardest time since I had the surgery. I have really completely digested the fact that I changed my body in such an extreme way and I will never be the same Melissa I used to be when this process started. I wouldn't call it a "depression" per say, it's just been hard. In my mind this is something I really wanted, I wanted bariatric surgery so so badly, I thought that this is what it would take to make me happy. Truly what it takes to make me happy is feeling okay with myself as a whole person and loving myself. I won't go too much into detail because this isn't a therapy session but if you read this and you are considering having bariatric surgery please know that you are going to need somebody to talk to all the time! You are going to need somebody that cares about you a lot to hear you vent and maybe even cry. Somebody you can be honest with when things aren't so perfect. You are going to need to accept that you will never be the same and this is really life changing. A coworker told me I don't "look happy" and she's right, I am not happy because I am so hard on myself and I can't accept the fact that I can't do this whole process perfectly and lose 5 pounds a week. Plateaus are such a factor after surgery because if you aren't getting enough water in or enough protein in your body will resist and go into this shock and not drop anymore weight. That is exactly what happened to me for these past couple of weeks.

Aside from the emotional body changing issues I am going through, I also got a couple of bills that should have been paid by my insurance and weren't. One claim was for a $500 pathology bill, another for a $3100 surgeon's bill and a $2400 anesthesiologist bill. When all these unpaid claims started to pop up I really let the situation get the best of me and I became frustrated. It made me wonder if I had done the wrong thing getting the surgery. I called Blue Shield and the rep told me that the anesthesiologist claim was actually resubmitted by the provider and paid the second time. I went ahead and submitted the remaining claims for reconsideration and now I am waiting to hear if they will be paid.

Things are looking up though. I always have a belief I live by and that is "as long as I am healthy and I have my family and my job, there is no problem too big to tackle." I remain optimistic and hope to lose more weight soon because after breaking my most recent plateau I feel good and I feel the weight coming off again.

Until next time,

Mely

51 lb down, 31 since surgery

Today I weighed myself and I have lost a total of 51 pounds. This was my first milestone, I had created different milestones for myself. 50 pounds lost, 75, 100 and 150. I must say I do feel good, I feel satisfied. I thought it would feel more amazing being here but I think I am a little bit disappointed because the wrong concept about bariatric surgery is that you lose weight like crazy, like 10 pounds a week! (not true, everybody loses weight at their own pace, the important thing is LOSING!) Today is January 21, therefore it has been about 5 and a half weeks since surgery. That is an average of about 5 pounds lost per week since surgery. Although, this is not all that accurate considering I lost 2 pounds a day for the first week, then it slowed down.

Since my last blog post I have incorporated regular food back into my diet. It is nice to be able to eat real food again but the downside to that is that I am still tempted to eat bad foods. Since I didn't have the gastric bypass I don't experience the negative side effects of dumping that come along with the bypass. Therefore I can still pretty much have anything to eat but I can only eat very little. I have noticed that bread makes me really sick, this I consider a blessing in disguise. Before surgery, carbs were my weakness food. However, just because I can't have bread doesn't mean I can't have things such as cookies or cake. I still have to be careful because my stomach seems to be okay with dense carb foods like cake, cracker, cookies although I wish it wasn't!

Water intake is still so hard! I also struggle with keeping up with everything I have to take in a day, here is my list:

• prescription Vitamin D every week
• multivatiman every day
• hemagenics (fancy word for folate, iron, calcium, and B12) every day
• Hair, skin and nails supplement every day (okay I don't HAVE to drink this but it has collagen in it and I really want my hair to get longer and thicker so this is more of a vanity thing)
• Vitamin D3 
• Pepcid, one during the day, one during the night (stupid heartburn)
• My Tums (stupid heartburn, yes again, stupid heartburn)

One big challenge for me is grazing. I have always been a grazer, it's such a purpose defeating habit that I wish I could break! Now that I am able to eat food again I notice that I am grazing again. This is because even though I am full really quickly at meal times, in between meal times I can eat small "slider" foods or foods that have no substantial protein or nutrient value to them. This weekend my brother had friends over to watch the NFC championship game (GO NINERS!!) and I found that even though I was full after I ate my shredded beef as my meal, an hour after that I was able to eat chips and dip! I was eating chips in front of me while we watched the game because even if I can't have a whole plate of chips in one sitting, I can still have 15 chips and dip over the time span of an hour or two. That is NOT good. One thing that really helps with my grazing is chewing gum, I am going to start buying packs of sugarfree gum and leaving them hidden in places where I spend time in. My room, my cubicle, kitchen at home, my car, and the living room at home. This way whenever I feel like reaching for crackers, chips or cookies I will eat simply one cracker to feel like I have tasted it and avoid that feeling deprived feeling and then reach for a piece of gum to keep my mouth occupied. 

So right now I am at the point where my focus is protein, water, exercise, repeat. 

So I finally directed some energy into doing before and after pictures. I made a couple of collages. Both collages have me before surgery on the left and pictures of me after surgery (today) on the right. 

Until next time!

Melissa

Feeling inspired!

Today I went to my monthly Bariatric Surgery Support Group. I felt so inspired that I wanted to do a blog post. I want to acknowledge how amazing all these people are. Wow! These people truly inspire me to keep striving forward. Today was a "check in" which means we go around the room and every person stands up and shares his or her story. (Some meetings we have a speaker that talks about a subject us Bariatric patients would benefit from.) 

Every time I go to a check in meeting and hear others stories I always find something from each person that I can relate with. Among the things I heard today; getting enough protein in, getting enough water in, exercise, eating slowly, and plateaus. I also see people get emotional speaking about their story, it's amazing how courageous all of them are!

Next month we will have a speaker talk about emotional eating, I will be sure to make it! Emotional eating is such a significant factor in why I gained all the weight I did. 

I realized that I didn't post a picture I was proud of and wanted to share with all my blog followers. If you are my friend on Facebook you probably saw it. What this is is me in my middle school "spirit team" cheerleading uniform. I haven't been able to fit back into this uniform as an adult which makes sense because the last time I weighed what I do now is in middle school. So here it is!

One month update

Weight loss: Total -44 lbs, -24 lb since surgery

Wow! I can't believe it has been a month since I was sleeved. I can honestly say this past month has been such an emotionally and physically draining one. I get all weird typing this right now as I recall the struggles I have dealt with.

First is first though, the weight loss. My weight loss stalled for about a week and I could not understand why I stalled. I was so disheartened and it actually crossed my mind to think that I might be the first person to whom the surgery did not work for. I had to regroup and somehow break my stall. I went to my post op appointment at my surgeon's clinic and the Nurse asked me "Have you been exercising?" and I admitted... No I wasn't. Not only that but I also was not having enough protein which is hard to get in when you are on soft liquids and liquids and you don't like the taste of protein supplements. The exercise... I realize I was able to exercise 2 weeks after surgery and to be honest I was putting it off until I was able to eat food again. On liquids I just felt so weak and down in the dumps all the time that all my body wanted to do was get home from work and crawl into bed (more about this down in challenges). I went to the gym though, I have been all of once but it helped me lose 4 pounds. I broke my stall. Since it has been a month now, I  am able to eat real food again which has helped my mood so much. Among the things I have been having:

• vegetables
• greens
• soft chicken
• tuna
• beans
• soup 
• Oat bran (I eat it every morning for breakfast now since my stomach doesn't seem to like greek yogurt anymore)

Do I feel better now? yes. Being on broth sucked, I know hate chicken broth and highly dislike soup. Is there still challenges? Yes.

Since I started eating food now I know experience that feeling of fullness that everybody always talks about. People really don't exaggerate when they say you will have 4 bites and be stuffed. Is it a good thing? Absolutely. However, I have to eat so slow. And I know it seems like something that would be easy to learn but I haven't fully mastered it. I still catch myself eating too fast and then I feel so sick that I want to just throw up. 

Another challenge: Getting enough water in. I was so used to taking big chugs of water before surgery and I was pretty good about getting around 1.5 liters of water in a day. Now, on average I can only get about 1 liter in comfortably. One thing that I was reminded of is that my mouth really is bigger than my stomach right now. This means that if I take a big sip of water and swallow, as soon as it hits my stomach I feel pain. So I find myself trying to get water in as often as I can. 

Challenge: Energy level. Going back to work was both a good thing and a bad thing. I was able to feel useful again. The bad thing is that I had to find the energy to get out of bed and get myself to work.. On time. I think now I am back to normal after being back for 2 weeks. But it was hard. It sucks because I feel so frumpy when I roll into work with minimal makeup, bags under my eyes and clothes  that fits too big. Once I am there and in my cubicle engaging myself in something I feel okay though. For some reason my taste buds don't like my pre-surgery addiction which was Starbucks anymore. So  most of the time I have to either go without coffee or get McDonald's coffee because it seems to be the only kind of coffee I can tolerate. I won't say I was surprised though because I was warned that after surgery my taste buds would change and they have. My coworkers are really sweet and always ask how I am doing but I keep on getting comments that I look tired. It will get better though.

Heartburn: I have to be on continuous heartburn medicine because since my stomach is so small, the stomach acids have less space and they come up into my esophagus. For the most part I am okay but I have been waking up like at 3 AM with really bad heartburn and I can't get it to go away right away so I lose sleep over it. Again, something I was told would happen. To be expected.

Another thing, as I lose weight I notice that I become cold easily. So at night on top of the heartburn I also have trouble sleeping because I am cold. 

But out of this whole surgery process I still have reason to smile! I slowly am becoming more like the woman I am supposed to. It still feels good to be able to fit into clothes 6 sizes smaller than when I started this whole process. Also the group of people with who I surround myself with has been amazing.

Okay for pictures! I have been getting a lot of requests for pictures. I am so bad at asking somebody to take pictures of me so I just end up taking my own pictures. So the most recent picture I have is of me trying on clothes... Here it is. As you can see my face is the first body part that becomes more noticeable when I lose weight.

I will take more pictures and be sure to blog more often. A friend suggested that I blog more often... I will! (Thanks Crystal)

Until next time...

Mely <3