I haven't weighed myself in over two weeks. I guess this post is about life and how something as major as your sleeve can be put on the back burner because of several other things.
I haven't weighed myself because I am scared to see what I am afraid of. I worked really hard to get down to 80 pounds lost and I am scared to see that I am at the same weight and haven't lost anymore. I know I am at the same weight because my clothes fit the same. I also have not been very strict on myself as far as what I eat.. I know I need to stay away from simple carbs but I somehow always find myself indulging in bread! This needs to stop.
I have been sorting out through some things and I also just got a new job. Life changes and uncertainty always add stress and give me major anxiety. I am the type of person that likes to feel like everything in my life is perfectly planned out and executed according to said plan. I have all these goals for myself, my one year goal, my five year goal and my ten year goal. Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that I am still 23 years old and I am allowed to deviate from plan and make a few mistakes here and there.
There's also that nervousness that comes with a new job and that's a good thing. I am incredibly grateful that I was given an opportunity to advance my career elsewhere and do what it is I love and went to school for. I just always put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and be the best (at least professionally I am). A couple weeks ago I got a call about an accounting position that had opened at a nonprofit organization that I had already been involved with when I was going to school to get my degree in accounting. The Vice President of Finance wanted to meet me and discuss the position. I went in resume and portfolio in tow to meet with her and discuss the position on a Friday, 2 days later on Monday I was offered the position. Of course I said yes and I found myself rearranging things to reflect my new life change. It's still surreal and I can hardly believe it's happening. Yesterday was my last day at the financial institution where I was working at, it was so bittersweet. Even though I only worked there for a year and 3 months I changed so much both personally and professionally working there and I learned a lot about myself. I cried as I gave my manager a hug before I left. I also cried like an idiot looking at my cubicle there all empty. It is strange how much a job can have such a huge influence on your life.
On another note, I have to admit I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I like the size I am now. Sure I need to lose at least another 30 pounds. It's ingrained in our minds as women that only being a size 6 or smaller is beautiful but I like being a size 14 and I like being imperfect. I look healthy and I feel good. Sure I don't have a flat stomach or perfectly toned arms and legs but I am me and I know that I have many qualities that some size 2 women don't. This is who I am, smart, funny, driven, nice, sometimes feisty, very impatient and stubborn. But the people in my life know this and accept me like this.
Anyways, I hope I can get back on a normal schedule and exercise more so next time I can report more weight loss.
~Mely
