I am down two more pounds for a total weight loss of 53 pounds total.
I realize it has been forever since I posted and it's been on my mind as something I needed to do. If the title of this post wasn't an indication, I wanted to dedicate this blog post to the struggles I have experienced so far. Next Tuesday it will be 2 months since surgery.
These past couple of weeks have been really hard for me, probably the hardest time since I had the surgery. I have really completely digested the fact that I changed my body in such an extreme way and I will never be the same Melissa I used to be when this process started. I wouldn't call it a "depression" per say, it's just been hard. In my mind this is something I really wanted, I wanted bariatric surgery so so badly, I thought that this is what it would take to make me happy. Truly what it takes to make me happy is feeling okay with myself as a whole person and loving myself. I won't go too much into detail because this isn't a therapy session but if you read this and you are considering having bariatric surgery please know that you are going to need somebody to talk to all the time! You are going to need somebody that cares about you a lot to hear you vent and maybe even cry. Somebody you can be honest with when things aren't so perfect. You are going to need to accept that you will never be the same and this is really life changing. A coworker told me I don't "look happy" and she's right, I am not happy because I am so hard on myself and I can't accept the fact that I can't do this whole process perfectly and lose 5 pounds a week. Plateaus are such a factor after surgery because if you aren't getting enough water in or enough protein in your body will resist and go into this shock and not drop anymore weight. That is exactly what happened to me for these past couple of weeks.
Aside from the emotional body changing issues I am going through, I also got a couple of bills that should have been paid by my insurance and weren't. One claim was for a $500 pathology bill, another for a $3100 surgeon's bill and a $2400 anesthesiologist bill. When all these unpaid claims started to pop up I really let the situation get the best of me and I became frustrated. It made me wonder if I had done the wrong thing getting the surgery. I called Blue Shield and the rep told me that the anesthesiologist claim was actually resubmitted by the provider and paid the second time. I went ahead and submitted the remaining claims for reconsideration and now I am waiting to hear if they will be paid.
Things are looking up though. I always have a belief I live by and that is "as long as I am healthy and I have my family and my job, there is no problem too big to tackle." I remain optimistic and hope to lose more weight soon because after breaking my most recent plateau I feel good and I feel the weight coming off again.
Until next time,
Mely
